Good afternoon and thanks for joining our live text commentary as Manchester City look to pull their season from the firepit and grab a much-needed win in today's visit of West Ham. Not since Oasis disbanded has there been this level of doom and gloom in and around the blue half of Manchester, my friends. Why? Let's have a look so.
It's perhaps indicative of their decline in 2015 that City would undoubtedly settle for a top-four finish, but that's the reality of the situation because, as it stands, they're clinging on to their Champions League spot in fourth. With the way they're playing, you wouldn't for a second back against them throwing the baby out with the bathwater and finishing outside the top four, would you?
Manuel Pellegrini's side have managed just FOUR wins from their last 12 Premier League outings in a run of form that looks set to cost the Chilean his job. They're only four points clear of fifth-placed Liverpool - who play in the FA Cup later today - so that gap simply has to be seven points by about 3.30pm. They need a great big kick up the you know what I think.
It's going to be a trophyless season for the Sky Blues, culminating in speculation over Pellegrini's future, and that uncertainty certainly won't help them dig their way out of the mess they find themselves in, will it? Pellegrini said recently that dropping out of the Champions League places would be a "disaster" but that's putting it lightly. It would make Manchester United laugh harder than Raheem Sterling on his nitrous oxide thingy.
This afternoon could, and definitely should, bring something of a tonic for under-fire Pellegrini though because, well, West Ham won't win Team of the Year themselves after a fairly shocking 2015 - worse than City's believe it or not. Sam Allardyce is also expected to lose his job so not a promising outlook for either manager it seems.
We'll have a closer look at the Hammers a little later. It'll take me a few minutes to suss team news, but with Pellegrini and Allardyce poised to hunt a new job in the summer, serenade yourself with this in the meantime.
Right, we'll start with the hosts and Sergio Aguero leads the line for City, with Frank Lampard, Jesus Navas, Fernando, Yaya Toure and David Silva in a five-man midfield. Vincent Kompany looks poised to miss the rest of the season so Eliaquim Mangala is set to replace the Belgian in defence.
On to the visitors now and Allardyce has elected against risking Diafra Sakho, who has a thigh strain. Consequently, big Carlton Cole starts up front, with Enner Valencia fit again after a foot injury to support the striker. Alex Song, Stewart Downing, Joe Cole, Mark Noble and Cheikhou Kouyate line up in midfield, with Carl Jenkinson, James Collins, Winston Reid and Aaron Creswell.
Let's have a closer look at the Irons and it's been a worse year for them than One Direction fans after that bloke quit. (I know his name but it's cooler to pretend not to).
With just two victories from their 13 games this year, it's safe to say that Big Sam's charges have drifted back to mid-table obscurity where most predicted they'd end up despite a truly brilliant first half of the season.
It seems crazy, but the East Londoners were actually THIRD at one point in December but the wheels well and truly fell off once we got into January and now they're 10th. Now, they've effectively got nothing to play for this season. They're safe from relegation, but too far adrift to salvage a Europa League spot, so their next six games promise to be dead rubbers from their perspective really.
They're 10/1 this afternoon, so victory would be a relatively big shock in the scheme of things, but who can they look to to boost their feint hopes in the goalscoring department? Hmm. That's a tricky one, because leading goalscorer Diafra Sakho is out, the goalscoring burden falls on the less-than-prolific Carlton Cole today. He did score a bicycle kick here a few years ago oddly enough but what was when he was, eh, younger and better.
Nevertheless, there are goal threats from Cheikhou Kouyate and Kevin Nolan, who's always capable of a goal isn't he, but on the whole it's not looking that good for the visitors this afternoon unfortunately. This one could, and should, be another setback for them in a season that they'll desperately want to be over as soon as possible.
In contrast, City have an abundance of goalscoring talent but most of them aren't finding the net at the moment. There's Sergio Aguero, who netted twice in the defeat to Manchester United last week, but other than that they've been running short on goals. There's big pressure on Yaya Toure after Pellegrini demanded more from him in what is perceived to have been an underwhelming season from the big man so far.
PREDICTION! Right, there's about 13 minutes left until kickoff so let's get down with a bit of prediction shall we? Alright, and despite their woes, it's so difficult to see City dropping points here again. Should they lose, it'll be their third successive defeat, but surely they'll stop the rot this afternoon? Let's go 3-1.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Will Joe Hart make another super save on the day he turns 28? Look back on some of his #BPL best...
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— Premier League (@premierleague) April 19, 2015
Right, the players are in the tunnel and City, led by Yaya Toure, simply must win today. It was a must-win game for them last season when they hosted West Ham on the last day and beat them to clinch the title but it's a must-win for slightly different reasons today. Let's go.
KICKOFF: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we are off at Eastlands, my friends. It's not really a big 90 minutes for both, because our visitors have very little to play for, but City, as we said, need to win to consolidate their top-four spot.
Toure, criticised by Pellegrini in recent days, looks to be in an advanced midfield role this afternoon. That's ominous for the Hammers because he seems to thrive when he's a little further forward. It's all City in this first three minutes as you might've expected.
CHANCE! Good defending from Carlton Cole, as Silva nips in behind the defence following Lampard's clever dink, but Cole is back before the little Spaniard can get his shot away.
Kolarov wins a free kick off Carl Jenkinson, and the Serbian will whip this into the area but it comes to nothing. His delivery is usually astonishingly good, but slightly lacklustre there.
Aaron Creswell is breathing a sigh of relief as Navas forces the left-back into a sloppy pass, which Aguero pounces on, but the Argentine can't punish and the attack fizzles out.
SHOT! West Ham just can't keep the ball, and Song gives it away twice in the space of a few seconds as City go forth, and Aguero's snap shot is on target but Adrian holds it well. There's a goal imminent.
CLOSE! Fine effort from Kolarov, who really is brilliant from dead-ball positions, as his curling free kick goes narrowly wide of Adrian's post. It's incorrectly earned a corner, though, and that also comes to nothing.
Oh dear this is a bizarre opening goal, and it's an own goal from James Collins as the big centre-half deflects Jesus Navas's cross over the head of Adrian and into the net via the crossbar. It's been coming because West Ham just haven't settled.
Really good defending from Fernando as the Brazilian stops the beastly Kouyate from galloping forward into City's danger zone. Better from West Ham though.
Oh dear. If Downing had whipped in a better cross then West Ham might've been level here because both Enenr Valencia and Kouyate somehow beat the offside trap, but Downing's cross goes out for a goal kick. Lord knows what the linesman was thinking by not raising his flag then.
CHANCE! This is an absolutely beautiful first-time volley of a cross from Navas, who finds Silva, but the Spaniard can't sort his feet out in time and in the end his hurried shot on his weaker side was well blocked by Collins. City purring.
CHANCE! It's taken half-an-hour, but we've seen a West Ham chance! It's a shocking error from Demichelis to set Carlton Cole free, but the veteran's first touch isn't ideal and his hurried effort is easily saved by Hart in the end. Poor from Demichelis.
SHOT! Good spell from West Ham this and Enner Valencia now drills a low shot at goal but Hart smothers well. It's Hart 28th birthday to incidentally. So, happy birthday Joe.
"Come on City" echoes around the Etihad but their side's momentum has just gone a little flat in recent minutes. West Ham are coming back into it well and the hosts aren't as comfortable as they were earlier in the clash.
BOOKING: We've seen the game's first booking. Alex Song brilliantly wins the ball from Silva before advancing through the midfield, but Navas cynically brought him down to earn the game's first yellow.
Brilliant counter-attacking goal by the hosts. Aguero is at the heart of it as he nicks the ball from Downing before running through the heart of West Ham's midfield, beating Collins before playing in Navas. The Spaniard could shoot, but he's unselfish and returns the favour to Aguero, who tucks his shot beneath the body of Adrian and it's two! Really good goal.
Four minutes left until the break then and, if West Ham were a dog, you'd shoot them. You'd put them out of their misery because they're not up for this at all unfortunately.
That's all she wrote here, folks. Man City cruising thanks to an own goal from James Collins in slightly farcical circumstances, before Sergio Aguero started and finished a swift counter-attack that put them 2-0 to the good in a half to forget if you're a West Ham.
They've been really poor and treating the football like a game of hot potato, conceding possession regularly and, in truth, they should be further behind.
KICKOFF: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back underway. West Ham, with a two-goal deficit, kick us off once more at Eastlands. Will the visitors get back into it, or will City go on to win handsomely? Let's see.
CHANCE! Just as I say that, City fashion a chance to go three ahead. Yaya Toure's reverse ball is brilliantly stepped over by Lampard to allow Aguero the chance, but his first touch is just a little heavily and it allows Carl Jenkinson the time to get back and thwart him.
Worryingly, Aguero is receiving treatment following that challenge by Jenkinson. He's back up on his feet, and walking, but you wonder if Pellegrini may haul him off as a precautionary measure. They don't want him ruled out before they secure a top-four finish. No chance.
SHOT! It looks like a third goal is inevitable here folks and Kolarov drills a fierce left-footed effort high and wide from an acute angle, but it's very unlikely that this will end 2-0.
BOOKING: City fans are whistling referee Anthony Taylor for his decision to book David Silva, who is ajudged to have elbowed Reid but it looked rather innocuous. It's like a scene from The Grey there at the moment, when the fella throws the wolf's head into the woods.
We've reached the hour mark then and City, oddly enough, have 81% of the ball in this second half! As I said, if West Ham were a dog you'd simply have to shoot them.
SHOT! This could've gone anywhere as Silva's drive is blocked by somebody in the West Ham box. I suppose you could say that West Ham have done well to keep it at 2-0 under the circumstances.
Worryingly, Silva is still down on the ground receiving treatment. Both sets of players are around the medical team. I don't want to make it sound more serious than it is, because it's not like he needs CPR here, but it's odd all the same.
Turns out this is a little more serious than it initially seemed and, thankfully, he's been loaded on to the stretcher now and leaves the field to a round of applause.
We've got 13 minutes of normal time left, but we've also got a host of added on time because Silva was down for a good eight minutes there. Incidentally, Nasri has also come on.
CHANCE! Rare chance for the visitors as the ball finds its way to Downing following Jarvis's cross, but his rushed shot, on his weaker side, is well blocked by Elaquim Mangala. That's literally their second chance in the entire game. Not been a great afternoon for them.
Really good defending from Kevin Nolan there as he prevents a probable goal by getting back in the nick of time to prevent Nasri from tapping home Toure's cut-back. It's all City, as you might've guessed.
Four minutes of normal time left but we've got a solid 15 minutes left overall following the treatment given to Silva, who, if you've just joined us, went off injured after been elbowed by Kouyate.
CLOSE! This would've been one of the goals of the season, and it's Enner Valencia, who dances around Demichelis at the byline, before expertly cutting inside Fernando and swinging a left boot at the ball from a really tight angle, and it goes just wide.
City need to buck up their ideas (I sound like my dad) a little because West Ham have been better in recent minutes, and with plenty of time left, one goal may just worry City.
CHANCE! Oh no what a fine chance to reduce the deficit. Navas's suicidal back pass puts City in all kinds of trouble as Nolan runs through one-on-one with Hart, but the England keeper stands tall and denies the veteran midfielder. Still, should've been 2-1.
NINE MINUTES ADDED ON: It's unclear if that's because of Silva's injury or because Allardyce has physically intimidated the poor fourth official. Probably the former, but who knows.
CHANCE! Should be game over here folks, as Toure plays in Dzeko but, with just the keeper to beat, the City striker fires straight at Adrian. I said it wouldn't finish 2-0 but it looks that way now.
That's it. James Collins's own goal and Sergio Aguero's tidy finish proves enough for City this afternoon, folks. They move seven points clear of Liverpool in the race for Champions League qualification - albeit with a game extra.